This makes much more sense!
July 06, 2012, 9:13am
BY Jules Lipoff
- - - -
She exposed me to excessive ultraviolet radiation, which gave me terrible cataracts.
She removed all traces of vitamin A from my diet.
She launched well-targeted projectiles at my eyes, causing severe trauma.
She poisoned me repeatedly with steroids, which over time caused the formation of a pituitary tumor that pressed against my optic chiasm severing my optic-nerve pathways.
She replaced my contact-lens solution with corrosive acid.
She unleashed upon me lab rats trained to preferentially eat eyes.
She, my ophthalmologist, botched my Lasik surgery.
She exacerbated my diabetes by replacing my insulin with Frappuccino, which led to retinal problems.
She put me under general anesthesia and surgically removed my eyes.
She altered my parents’ germ-cell chromosomes before my conception so that I lack the proper genetic code to distinguish the colors red and green.
She calibrated a refraction experiment with her laser pointer that scorched my retinas.
July 08, 2011, 10:39am
There is this farmer who is having problems with his chickens. All of the sudden, they are all getting very sick and he doesn’t know what is wrong with them. After trying all conventional means, he calls a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to see if they can figure out what is wrong. So the biologist looks at the chickens, examines them a bit, and says he has no clue what could be wrong with them. Then the chemist takes some tests and makes some measurements, but he can’t come to any conclusions either. So the physicist tries. He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. Then all of the sudden he starts scribbling away in a notebook. Finally, after several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, ‘I’ve got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum.’
November 06, 2010, 5:04am
by a morbid Charley Harper.
November 06, 2010, 4:47am
wow. thanks Biodiversity Heritage Library for providing me with the original for Laibach 1907!! (in which he supposedly describes the discovery that Arabidopsis thaliana has 5 chromosomes — however even my rudimentary understanding of german seems to indicate he says no such thing.)
September 12, 2010, 1:37pm
April 08, 2010, 10:42pm
gorgeous and brilliant!
Buy This: Science Project Collection pillow set by textile designer Heather Lins.
Three colorways: Geology, Botany, and Anatomy. 17” x 17”. Eco-friendly Sensuede applique on 100% wool felt. $176/ea (special price through Earth Day. Reg: $220).
April 08, 2010, 6:08pm
Nikola Tesla in his laboratory in Colorado Springs, CO - 1889
March 25, 2010, 6:32pm
55¢ down from 59¢! whatta deal!
March 18, 2010, 6:58pm
“When you realize the value of all life, you dwell less on what is past and concentrate on the preservation of the future.”
— Dian Fossey, from her last journal entry before being murdered in her Rwandan research cabin on December 26, 1985.
February 21, 2010, 4:18pm